TEARJERKER

I want to make people cry.

Not like childhood bullies or high school biatches. Quite the contrary in real life. Standing behind the counter at our campus bookstore, I was determined to make every customer smile. It was like a game. For most, it just took a simple hello or icebreaker. For the stubborn grumpy few, I had to resort to making faces or doing a jig. In grade school, I followed the mantra "Why be sad for no reason, when you can be happy for no reason?" Elementary, yes. Idealistic, yes. Realistic, ehhh.

But when someone's clenching my book, zeroing in on the final pages - I want them to sob.

We're talking glad-noone's-in-the-house-to-hear-me-weep sobbing. The kind of balling I did at the end of The Green Mile. Days later, I was still finding tissues in the folds of my comforter (because yes I watched it curled up in bed...maybe with a box from KFC...).

Armageddon was the one that really got me though. Damn Bruce Willis saying goodbye to Liv Tyler over a TV screen. And I still think Ben Affleck is the best fake cryer. Though I've seen the movie probably 100 times (ok...exaggeration...it was 87), I still sob. If for some odd reason, I don't cry, I get all pissy. Just ask my brother and best friend - they did a lot of snickering through my tears.

But in all seriousness, someone's got to die. Someone that we really like. Someone that our main character really likes.

I'd just like to point out one thing about Titanic. You know, if Rose had stayed on the first damn lifeboat, then Jack could have had that floating peice of wood (Door? We think it was a door? Anyone?) to himself. They could have met at the Statue of Liberty and all would have been magnificent. But what a shitty ending that would have been. Though tissues everywhere are constantly absorbing the "it's not fair"s and the "No, Jack, no"s, deep down, we all wanted him to die. We want to curl up with our cheetos and have a good cry (Cheetos? Anyone? No...? Ice Cream?).

Uh oh, this just turned into a blog about Titanic. How many of you are checking the TV Guide right now to see if TNT will be playing it Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday (Even though you probably have it on DVD, but never watch it)?

Don't worry, I'm getting back to murder.

It's when the wrong person dies, the innocent person, that I really lose it. Or what about the character with so much potential who resorts to killing? Misunderstandings and bad timings which lead to death? You sit there re-reading the same paragraph, thinking this person can't be dead, when deep down you knew it was coming all along. If the book is written well, this death is inevitable.

(If Jack hadn't died, who's to say he and Rose wouldn't have ended up on Revolutionary Road?)

So many books and movies have the power to make me weep. I just hope that one day I make people cry.